I need NOS, I need NOS!

It seems I’m not yet ready for any responsibilities. I’m just beginning to realize what life really is. I’ve never enjoyed my life before, It’s only now that I plan to make a move. It’s like I died when I was just a young boy and enjoying my childhood, then God was so good that He brings me back to life. I felt like I’m a plant before, who does nothing but just to be alive everyday. Today at 21, I’ll begin to live my teenage life.

There are lots of things that stop me before. My angst and pains are some of the most bloody ones. It’s very difficult because my enemy here is myself. I also think that I’m the most unfortunate man in the world. I believe in sayings like “It is you who make your fate.” or “Nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa.” and alike but I have no idea why things has to be this so luckless for me to the extent that I cannot live my life anymore. It made me hate everything even my stupid hair that sucks, no matter if it’s long or short. I did everything I can do and the only thing I have in mind now is to spend money just to make it look good. It proves that sometimes there are problems that only money can solve.

I also don’t believe in karma… for me, it’s not working. There are still those bastards out there without conscience that are living their lives to the fullest. On the other hand, I’ve been thinking that God loves me very much to give me problems that all of His attention is on me. Jesus said in South Park (yeah not in the Bible so don’t take it seriously) “If God answered all our prayers, there’d be nothing left for us to do ourselves. Life is about problems, and overcoming those problems, and growing and learning from obstacles. If God just fixed everything for us, then there’d be no point in our existence.” so It’s possible that those ass holes are making the time of their lives right now but in the end, someone will pay.

I’m not getting any younger, I feel like I’m delayed in many things… so I need to do things in a rush. I need NOS, I need NOS.